Akatsuki lost in California
by Shinka-chan
Summary: Pein decided to go on vacation to California. Can they be normal? Or all hell will break lose? I bet on the second one...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**This is a sequel to my "Daily Clouds" Today, Itachi will become a rapper, Hidan and Kakuzo will star on more problems, Deidara and Danna will have their on dramas too, and Madara will try to get some luck with the ladies.**

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-"EVERYONE, MEETING!"- screamed Pein. The clock marked 6:30. All the Akatsuki slowly dragged to the living room. Zetsu was wearing a green pyjama. Konan was wearing a light blue night shirt that let all at sight. Sasori was hearing Suna boxers and Deidara a robe. Tobi was wearing his "Bob, the builder" pyjama, Itachi was wearing a black and red robe and scrolls to curly his hair, Kisame was wearing his "Little Mermaid" pyjama, Kakuzo his pyjama with the money symbols and Hidan…erm…well we could said he was wearing his birthday suit.

-"Very well, after the currents events who took place here in the Akatsuki, nominating, Several fights with the Catholic church, Deidara almost blowing up half of the house…and Sasori, and Itachi blow up the other half of the house with his Amaretsu, I decided to take you all in vacation"

-"URRRRRRAY!"

-"NOOOOO! VACATION ARE EVIL! THEY ARE GONNA RAPE YOUR WIFES AND KILL YOUR CHILDREN!"

-"Thank you for your opinion, Kakuzo. Now, our flight leaves at 12:00, so start packing.

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After all things packing, and Pein convinced Konan, Itachi, Deidara and Hidan that they didn't need all 17 bags, they all sat down in the sofa to hear the leader

-"Okay, before we leave, there is a couple of rules that I want to you guys, girls, avengers, puppets, terrorists, Jashinints and plants to follow:

1º- When we get to California, we all gonna travel in duos.

2º- Don't swear out loud, in Churches or next to old ladies

3º- Don't steal anything

4º- Don't free the fishes at Zoo marine

5º- Don't go near by Zoo marine, we all know at happened last time

6º- Do not mention the Vegas accident

7º- Do not "avenge" random people, saying that they are lack hatred

8º- Do not botter me or Konan

9º- Do not blow up things

10º- Especially important buildings

11º- Do not turn random people into puppets

12º- Have fun

13º- Having fun does not mean do everything above

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~Meanwhile, inside Tobi´s head~

-"Vacation, oh Madara, this is gonna be fun! Yo, Obito?"

-"What?"

-"Its time to go pimpin´!"  
-"No way! You know what happened in Vegas"

-"Fine"

-"Just wake me up if Tobi gets himself a lady, okay?"

-"…"

-"…"

-"HAHAHHAHAHHAAH"

-"HAHAHHAHAHAHAH"

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The bus trip was calm. Sasori and Deidara sat down with Zetsu(s) talking about food, Itachi talked about his family to Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzo scared the old ladies in the street, Tobi played with his My little Pony, and Pein and Konan talked about rain.

-"Everyone, I think we got to stop for gas"- said one of Pein´s bodies that were driving. Everyone got out of the car while Konan teach Pein how to put gas on the car.

-"Pein-sama, Tobi needs to pee-pee"- said Tobi

-"Just go to the bathroom I think Deidara is there"

Tobi got to the bathroom and started peeing. He was still very nervous with the idea of peeing alone.

-"W-What are you doing?"- giggled a voice from behind one of the bathroom compartments

-"What looks like i´m doing"- said another voice from behind the same compartment

-"W-Oh"- the voice vanished in a moan. Tobi got scared and ran away.

-"PEIN-SAMA! There are people doing oh-oh´s in the bathroom"- said Tobi. Pein walked to the bathroom, and saw Deidara and Sasori walking out of the bathroom.

-"Oh…oh…OH!"

-"Hey, Kisame, did you ever taste this candy before?"- said Itachi

-"Yeah, those taste like shit, dude!"  
-"I think so"

-"Lets go get some more"

-"Yeah"- Itachi and Kisame got to the store to buy more ointment.

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After the bus trip, they got to the airport.

-"Hey, where´s Hidan and Kakuzo?"- asked Konan, while entering the plain.

-"I don't know"- Pein took his seat next to Konan. In that moment, Kakuzo and Hidan ran for the plan and locked the door. Their were only in boxers

-"Don't ask"

-"Danna, did you ever "make it" in a plain bathroom"- Deidara smiled at Sasori. Sasori smiled back and both ran to write "You Momma´s" jokes on the bathroom door.

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After Itachi almost blowing up the plain, The Akatsuki got to California

-"Welcome to California"- said Pein

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	2. Dei and Danna not so romantic holiday

**Disclaimer: Til my malefic plan to conquer the world isnt finished, I do not own Naruto**

**Note: First, this is a story with several parts. I wrote the DeiSaso, the ItaKisa and the Tobi part first, because I wanted to make a fic called "The akatsuki Vacation", but that had already be done. So I think (not much) and remember that they could be in California. I have the Sasori and Itachi chapter finished, now I just have to change a couple of things in Tobi´s and Ill post it. **

**I want to thank you Nagareboshi, for reviewed and give me an idea. Thank you so much *hugs***

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**SASORI AND DEIDARA´S NOT SO ROMANTIC WEEKEND**

-"Oh, I cant believe this! An all paid vacation with my Danna! No Tobis or other stupid bastards to ruin our relationship"- Deidara rested his head on Sasori´s shoulder. They had spent the day shopping, and here now watching the sunset.

-"Do you want to go dinner?"- asked Sasori

-"I prefer skip to the dessert already…"- Deidara smirked and kissed Sasori gently in the lips. Sasori kissed back and wrap his legs around Deidara´s whist. Both fell on the grassy field, when a sudden voice called

-"Mommy?"- asked a little kid with black curly hair

Both Akatsukis stopped making out and looked at the kid. He had tears on his eyes and a lost look on his face

-"Poor kid, he most be lost"- Sasori hugged the little boy (^^), who hugged back. Deidara walked to them. He was really pissed off with the boy for her ruined his mood and foreplays, but he couldn't stop for worrying for the little boy.

-"Where´s your mommy?"- asked Deidara

-"I dunno"- said the boy. Deidara and Sasori decided to take her to the police.

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In the police, Deidara, the little boy and the cops looked stunning at Sasori and one of the cops. They were doing a "Serious" competition. Sasori looked at the cop. The cop looked at Sasori.

After three hours both quit and shook hands.

-"You were a worthy opponent"- said the cop

-"I learn with the best"- said Sasori

The trio walked out of the Police station, still with the boy.

-"Erm…Danna-san?"

-"Yes, Dei-san?"

-"Did you talked about the kid?"

-"…God-dammit!"

-"S-Shouzo?"- asked a crying voice from behind. Deidara and Sasori turned his head behind

-"M-Mommy?"- The little boy ran to a woman with dark hair and a florid dress.

-"Shouzo, we finally found you!"- cried the woman. Next to her, a man with white shirt and blue pants hugged his wife. There was also a baby and a little girl involved.

After the reprimands and cries, the family got up. Sasori and Deidara instincts told them to get the fuck out, when the men started speaking

-"I want to thank you for taking care of my son."

-"No problem, no problem…"

-"Please, take some money for the acon-"

-"We really needed to get going …erm…to the hotel"-said Sasori, while Deidara gave him the "I really need some" to Sasori.

-"You´re in the hotel?"  
-"Yes, but-"

-"No need! Please stay with us!"

-"Well, erm…ouch, okay!"- Sasori hesitated, but Deidara kicked him and gave him the "I want to get on top of you, but please don't be indelicate it the God-dawn Christian family!" Look.

-"Good!"- the men dragged the duo with they

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The next days were a torture: Getting up early, work, Church. And the worst of all: No sex! No biting, scratching, moaning, orgasming, nothing!

The family_ insisted_ to scout them to the airport

-"Uhm…okay…now were the rest of us?"- asked Deidara to the air, when two familiar faces appeared by

-"YOYOYO, MC Itachi and the DJ . welcome MC Puppet and DJ A BANG! to the AIRPORT! BUYAH!"- While Itachi and Kisame walked away from the scary faces of the family, Deidara and Sasori heard Kisame asking to Itachi "Who the hell says Buyah, anyway".

-"THAT'S IT!"- Deidara kissed Sasori with all his strength. Everyone (except the Akatsuki) was looking at them, but he didn't care. 2 minutes after, they were finally making out after one week.


	3. MC Itachi and DJ Samehada ? Erm

**Disclaimer- "Kishimoto-sama is the only guy that owns Naruto *hails***

**Note- If you don't get the Sasuke part, see "Naruto randomness 6" by Fiori Party. I don't now if it 6 or 5, I don't care. I think it 6…anyways, this was supposed to be a longer story, but I wanted this to had a funny final, so I decided to put an angry mob (later on the story you'll find why were they chasing them) chasing them to they go to the Gay bar. **

**I´m still working on the Tobi story, but I already have the ending on my head, but I want to update my "The Ultimate ask and Dare the Akatsuki" show fic. I´m already finishing the Tobi story, and i´m really close of the end.**

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**MC ITACHI AND DJ SAMEHADA**

Kisame was on the beach, taking a sun bath, when a certain someone walked to him.

-"This is outrageous! Look!"- Itachi opened a girls magazine, where was announced that Sasuke was giving a rock concert that night in Canada.

-"It just not fair!"

-"You know, if we were crazy, we would become singers more famous than he, but we aren't, so lets go grab a ice cream"

-"THAT'S IT!"

-"What?"

-"Repeat what you said"

-"What?"

-"No, before"

-"Ice cream?"

-"NO! Before!"

-"Become famous singers?"  
-"Yes, that's it! C´mon Kisame, lets go!"- Itachi dragged Kisame to the car

-"Why me?"

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~In the car~

-"Okay, Kisame, the first thing to do its find a musical agent"- the car stopped in front of a street, were the Britney Spears agent was, eating a muffin from the floor.

-"Oi, do you wanna be our personal agent?"

-"Do I!"- the man ran to the car.

And so the path to star ship (OF DOOM!) began…

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~In a random clothes store~

-"PERFECT!" – said the man

Kisame wore a sea-blue t shirt with a cartoon shark on it, beach shorts and sun glasses.

Itachi wore fishnet as shirt, letting all the muscles at sight, blue tear jeans and also sun glasses.

-"Next, to the spa!"

In the spa, they putted gel on the hair (Itachi didn't, because he, and quote: "Rip the still beating heart from the chest and eat it in front of the person who dared touch my hair" end quote), manicure, pedicure, mud bath, lifting, massages with hot steamy guys** (A/N- Hehehe…)**. After the treatment, they put their brand new clothes and faces.

-"Great! Now, the names…um, lets see…"- the man moved his fingers in the S-Rank Barbie's, I mean criminals.

-"You…how about…MC Itachi!"

-"Love it!"

-"And…you…DJ Samehada!"

-"Since I have no matter to say about this whole scheme, okay!"

-"Great, now, I schedule a magazine picture session for tonight, and-"

-"And the singing part?"- asked Kisame

-"Oh, we edit some Backstreet Boys and Justin Timberlake music. Now let's go!"~

~After the photo session~

-"Are you sure this is gonna work, Itachi?"

-"C´mon, did my plans ever gone wrong?"

Kisame remembered that time in Vegas

-"There they are!"- said random guy #1

-"Get them!"- said random guy #2. In less then 1 minute, an angry crowd chased them down the street for absolutely no reason. Itachi and Kisame ran and hide in a house.

-"I guess we lost th-"

-"And now, MC LUST AND DJ MERMAID!- said a voice. Suddenly, a curtain behind them took of, and before them a mob of horny gay men shouted at them

-"TAKE IT OFF, BIATCH!"

-"I think we are in a gay stripping club…"

-"THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED IN VEGAS!"- screamed Kisame.

-"Erm…guys? I think its better for you to start taking it off"- said three random guys wearing rainbow purple suits. The duo started crying and taking the clothes off

-"I feel so violated…"

The rest of the week was spending trying to escape the Gay mob guys, but they had been caught in more stripping bars than ever.

In the end, they were the first ones to get to the airport

-"Oi, look there: Dei and puppet boy."

-"Lets scare the shit out of them"

The duo walked to them

-"YOYOYO, MC Itachi and the DJ . welcome MC Puppet and DJ A BANG! to the AIRPORT! BUYAH!"- screamed Kisame. He made the kids cry.

-"Who the hell says Buyah anyway?"-asked Kisame to Itachi, while walking away


End file.
